Classic comedy

In honor of football season:


Andy Griffith was distantly related to Mrs. AOW.  They never got along, though. Something about an ancient family feud generations ago.

Time for humor

With a hat tip to Woodsterman:

I haven't been blogging much lately. Just one of those things. Lots of coin shows to go to, plus Mrs. AOW has plans. We've been visiting the Smithsonian and getting out more for together-time quite a bit this summer.

New version of "Flying Purple People Eaters"

A little something that Mrs. AOW found on her blog rounds today:

I know this creek!

I've been up this creek more times that I can count!

Shy kitty

Cameo did something like this when we took her to Mrs. AOW's cousin's house for a catsitting. We stayed at the beach for a week, and Cameo lived on the treats dropped behind the headboard. Mrs. AOW's cousin didn't see Cameo even once!

When we came home and went to pick Cameo up, she came right out - for us.

Yup

Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, though.

Time for humor

From the best joke book I've ever had:

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Teach your children to be polite and courteous at home, and when they grow up, they will never be able to merge into highway traffic.

Deja moo - the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Save the Earth! It's the only plant with chocolate!

Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf."

Going to McDonald's is like going to a whore for a hug.

Time for humor

From The Ultimate Bathroom Joke Book:

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge the car into the highway traffic.

The problem with trouble-shooting is that trouble shoots back.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even put some in the food.

If it's the psychic network, why do they need a phone number?

Why old men don't get hired

Some humor and some truth:

This year's spring cardinal

With thanks to Will, who emailed Mrs. AOW with the picture below:

Global warming, my ass!

More stupid things that people say

From the Page-A-Day Calendar The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said:

Christina Aguilera singing our National Anthem at the Super Bowl: What so proudly we watched at the twilight’s last reaming . . .


The Weakest Link host Anne Robinson: In U.S. history, during the Great Depression, parts of the Midwest afflicted by drought and high winds became known as the what Bowl?

Contestant: Super.


Tag sewn into baseball-style cap:
30% WOOL
70% ACRYLIC
100% NYLON
ONE SIZE FITS ALL
MADE IN CHINA


On a restaurant menu in Abu Dhabi:
FISH & SHIPS

People say stupid things

I got a new Page-A-Day Calendar for Christmas - The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said. Here are a few items from the calendar:

The Newlywed Show host Bob Eubanks: What is your favorite thing to buy by the foot?

Contestant: Shoes.


Support your parish rummage sale—a good chance to get rid of things not worth keeping but too good to throw away. Bring your husband.

(church bulletin announcement)


Hospital receptionist: Yes?

Patient: I’m here to register for my autopsy.

(conversation at a hospital registration desk)

Time for humor

I got a new joke book for Christmas: The Ultimate Bathroom Joke Book.

The entire first chapter is filled with jokes that are "Short and Snappy."

 Here are a few one liners from the book:

Nothing sucks more than that moment in an argument when you realize you're wrong.

A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory.

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it into the food.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.

Save the earth! It's the only planet with chocolate!

Time for humor & happy new year

(humor for the new year, with thanks to Big Bubba)

I pointed to two "old farts" across the bar from us and told my friend Herbie."That'll be us in ten years."

So he turned to me and said, "That's a mirror, you dummy."

True, dat!

Happy New Year, anyway.

Politically incorrect Christmas

Larry the Cable Guy (hat tip to Will):


One of my favorite ways to pass the time is to listen to Blue Collar Radio on my iPad. Laughter is the best medicine!

A bit of Christmas humor

(with thanks to Texas Fred for the first one)

An oldie but a goodie, and I once got a Christmas card like this:

Time for humor

Holiday humor, that is (thanks to Mustang, who emailed the joke to Mrs. AOW):

With the holidays upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.  As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with local authorities from time to time on the way home after a social session with friends. 

Two days ago, I was out for an evening with friends.  I had several cocktails, some nice red wine, and later on in the evening, a couple of boilermakers.  I was not only feeling jolly, I was damn ripped.  That is when I did something that I’ve never done before.  I took a cab home. 

Sure enough, on my way home I encountered a police checkpoint, but since I was riding in a cab, they just waived it past the checkpoint and I arrived home without incident.  This was a real surprise to me since I had never driven a cab before.  I don’t know where I got it, and I don’t know what to do with it.  If anyone is looking for a good deal on a used cab, give me a call; it’s sitting in my garage.

Time for humor

Received in email from Mrs. AOW's lifelong friend:

Pelosi declared saint by Catholic Church

Last Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D.C, an aide to Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral in D.C. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's views.

Pelosi's aide then said, "Look, I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $10,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint."

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."

As Pelosi's aide promised, Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Pelosi was present.

The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While Congresswoman Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other issues.

Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both In Washington and in California. The woman is simply not to be trusted."

The Cardinal concluded, "But, when compared with President Obama, Pelosi is a saint!"

Time for humor

Worth a thousand words and all that:

No doubt!

Besides, the Redskins play in Maryland, and the team's owner lives in Maryland, too.