Accurate and Humorous Definitions

(From The Mammoth Book of Jokes)

Health: the slowest possible rate of dying.

Judge: a law student who marks his own paper.

Tomorrow: the day you were going to clean out the garage.

Honesty: the fear of being caught.

Dust: mud with the juice squeezed out.

Wedding ring: the world's smallest pair of handcuffs.

Inflation: What used to cost $20 to buy now costs $40 to repair.

Justice: a decision in your favor.

Hanging: a suspended sentence.

Tomcat:: a ball bearing mousetrap.

Busy For a Few Days

This weekend, I will be going on another outing -- this time to a coin show.

Getting ready to go on a strenuous outing takes a lot of preparation. It's not just the getting ready. It's also the getting rested up. After being pretty much off my feet for almost three years, doing even little things takes a lot of energy. I don't have much stamina, though my stamina is improving bit by bit.

Thanks to all who take time to visit my blog. Sorry that I don't always respond to comments and emails.

The News

I hate watching the news.

I'm not talking about politics.

I'm talking about all the things that the talking heads and news reporters say are good for you and these wonderful things that you should get.

Lots of people try whatever that product is.

Next, out comes the "new information." The product is bad for you and will even kill you!

Or else the product is illegal, which makes even more people want it.

I'm sick of the merry-go-round!

Don't even get me started bitching about the commercials for wonder drugs. They have side effects that would scare the coldest-blood hit man in the Mafia.

I should stick to watching You Tube and reruns of "Two and a Half Man."

Hell, even old reruns of "House" and "Cold Case" are better than the stupid news, which constantly says one thing, then turns around and says the total opposite.

Even "The Three Stooges" has more brain matter than most of these idiots on tv news.

A Reminder from George Carlin

Never mind some of his political views. George Carlin was right about environmentalists:



Just think what George Carlin would have said about this story:

Silly, but Funny

I dare you not to laugh:

Time For Humor

Sent to me via email by my good friend JP:

HYMN # 365

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'"

SEE YOU AT THE RIVER!

Barack HUSSSEIN Obama's Friends

From Bunkerville:





I want that man and his commie friends GONE!

Vote for Anybody But Obama in 2012!

The Genius of Ray Stevens

One more:

Happy Easter!

Don't forget the reason for the season!

Great Nonsense Song

Roger Miller:


I'll bet that he was sloshed when he wrote songs like this!

Our Day at the National Museum of the American Indian

Mrs. AOW, The Beak, and I had a GREAT time on Saturday, March 31!  The Beak came with gifts for me: a movie poster and a glossy still photo from Harvey, my favorite movie.

We went to this museum in Washington, D.C.:

Another view of the museum:

The architects of this museum really did create a wonderful building!

I wanted to go to this museum because they had this special exhibit in town for a few months:

Press release about the exhibit we went to see.  That VW is covered with TWO MILLION beads!

One of the best things about the National Museum of the American Indian is the Mitsitam Cafe. Check out the information about that cafeteria!  The Beak had venison sausage and a buffalo burger.  Mrs. AOW and I had maple-brined turkey with cherry sauce, watercress salad with wild rice, and beets with apples and candied walnuts -- all Native American Indian foods from the Eastern Woodlands tribes.

After we spent all day at the museum, the paratransit driver allowed The Beak to ride back to our house with us so that he could relax here at our house before catching the subway back into D.C., then the train to NYC.

This outing was our best trip since I had my stroke in September 2009.  I can manage my scooter just fine, and that gives Mrs. AOW a break.  On the big concrete platform outside the museum, I got to spend some time speeding around on my scooter and turning donuts.  Freedom!