(From The Mammoth Book of Jokes)
Health: the slowest possible rate of dying.
Judge: a law student who marks his own paper.
Tomorrow: the day you were going to clean out the garage.
Honesty: the fear of being caught.
Dust: mud with the juice squeezed out.
Wedding ring: the world's smallest pair of handcuffs.
Inflation: What used to cost $20 to buy now costs $40 to repair.
Justice: a decision in your favor.
Hanging: a suspended sentence.
Tomcat:: a ball bearing mousetrap.