Dear Santa,Santa put that little punk in his place, huh?
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy
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Dear Timmy
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.*
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
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Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "Naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Timmy
**********
Timmy,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided.
Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court.
Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
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Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you’re just disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want.
WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
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Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny gang banger wannabe?
"He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake".
Sound familiar, genius?
You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal? I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement.
You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry.
Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
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Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Timmy
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Timmy,
That's what I thought you’d say you little bastard.
Santa
As a pathologist was making the first incision at autopsy in New York in 1964, the “corpse” suddenly leaped up and seized the poor man by the throat. The corpse lived, but the pathologist suffered a cardiac arrest and died on the spot.
Jose David Diaz-Marrero was recently sentenced to eight years in prison....I have no idea why I'm posting this - except that I do enjoy weird stories.
According to the Ocala Star-Banner, the 20-year-old had been accused of perpetrating a string of burglaries between December 2010 and January 2011.
But the sentence reflects more than your simple garden-variety break-and-enter.
Because the laptop, jewelry, 42-inch screen TV and DVD player stolen from Holli Tencza's home can ultimately be replaced.
The ashes belonging to her late father and two deceased Great Danes cannot.
And not just because Diaz-Marrero and his two accomplices also stole the urns in which the ashes were contained.
Rather, they cannot be returned in their entirety because the trio mistook the urns' contents for "crushed pills" and reportedly proceeded to smoke and snort them.
Holiday Howl
There’s nothing to tout.
There’s nothing to buy.
The stores have run out.
Your funds have run dry.
Baracklaus Has Captured Our Town!
For his mill you’re just grist.
He thinks fun’s a crime,
So he clenches his fist,
When you seek a good time.
Baracklaus Has Captured Our Town!
He monitors your reaping.
He’ll ration what you take.
The things that you try keeping
He will grab for others’ sake!
So, you’d better not sing,
You’d better not dance.
Obama’s the King,
He might look askance.
Baracklaus Upon You Will Frown.
Baracklaus Has Captured Our Town!
He’s the stick-thin man
With the big black ears.
HE’S CAPTURED OUR TOWN!
~ FreeThinke 12/10/12
The father of a mentally handicapped woman claims his daughter and others were "carted off" to a North Carolina polling site last week and "coaxed" into voting for President Obama by workers of the group home where she stays -- a claim the owner of the home disputes and that apparently has not yet triggered an investigation by election officials.More here.
The father, Cecil Pearson, said his daughter - who is 40 but has the "mentality ... of a 7-year-old" - was "brainwashed the night before" and then taken to a Roanoke Rapids polling site on Friday to vote. He said his daughter told him what happened when he picked her up on Sunday.
"They brought her a piece of paper and they indicated which block to check," Pearson [said,] "She voted for Barack Obama and was coaxed into doing that." He claimed "more than four" people were brought to the site.
A pig walks into a bar and orders 15 beers and then knocks them back.
St. Lucie County, Florida also in Allen West's district Had 141.1% Turnout; Obama Won County.(PP).Out of 175,554 registered voters, 247,713 vote cards were cast in St. Lucie County, Florida on Tuesday. Barack Obama won the county.There is more to read. Check it out!
When faced with the astronomical figures, Gertrude Walker, Supervisor of Elections for St. Lucie County, said she had no idea why turnout was so incredibly high...
Many Americans mistakenly believe that Veterans Day is the day America sets aside to honor American military personnel who died in battle or as a result of wounds sustained from combat. That's not quite true. Memorial Day is the day set aside to honor America's war dead.Thank a veteran today. Make a point of it.
Veterans Day, on the other hand, honors ALL American veterans, both living and dead....
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.America is supposed to be a republic.
Barock be nimble
Barack the quick
Barack be history
November 6
Dennis Miller:
There is less than a month until Election Day, when the people will decide who will be the next President of the United States. 
Q: What is the American Indian word for "lousy hunter"?
1. exhaustipated: just too tired to give a shit.
Dear Mr. Obama:
Were those Muslims that were in America when the Pilgrims first landedl?
Funny, I thought they were Native American Indians.
Were those Muslims that celebrated the first Thanksgiving day?
Sorry again, those were Pilgrims and Native American Indians.
Can you show me one Muslim signature on the: United States Constitution?
Declaration of Independence? Bill of Rights? Didn't think so.
Did Muslims fight for this country's freedom from England?
No.
Did Muslims fight during the Civil War to free the slaves in America ?
No, they did not.
In fact, Muslims to this day are still the largest traffickers in human slavery.
Your own half-brother, a devout Muslim, still advocates slavery himself, even though Muslims of Arabic descent refer to black Muslims as "pug nosed slaves." Says a lot of what the Muslim world really thinks of your family's "rich Islamic heritage," doesn't it Mr. Obama?
Where were Muslims during the Civil Rights era of this country?
Not present.
There are no pictures or media accounts of Muslims walking side by side with
Martin Luther King, Jr.or helping to advance the cause of Civil Rights.
Where were Muslims during this country's Woman's Suffrage era?
Again, not present.
In fact, devout Muslims demand that women are subservient to men in the
Islamic culture So much so, that often they are beaten for not wearing the
'hajib' or for talking to a man who is not a direct family member or their
husband.
Yep, the Muslims are all for women's rights, aren't they?
Where were Muslims during World War II? They were aligned with Adolf Hitler.
The Muslim grand mufti himself met with Adolf Hitler, reviewed the troops
and accepted support from the Nazi's in killing Jews.
Finally, Mr. Obama,
where were Muslims on Sept. 11th, 2001? If they weren't flying planes into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon or a field in Pennsylvania killing nearly 3,000 people on our own soil, they were rejoicing in the Middle East.
No one can dispute the pictures shown from all parts of the Muslim world celebrating on CNN, Fox News, MSNBC and other cable news networks that day.
Strangely, the very "moderate" Muslims who's asses you bent over backwards to kiss in Cairo, Egypt on June 4th were stone cold silent post 9-11. To many Americans, their silence has meant approval for the acts of that day.
And THAT, Mr. Obama, is the "rich heritage" Muslims have here in America...
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to mention the Barbary Pirates. They were Muslims.
And we can add November 5, 2009 -the slaughter of American soldiers at Fort Hood by a Muslim major who is a doctor and a psychiatrist who was supposed to be counseling soldiers returning from battle in Iraq and Afghanistan.
And what about Benghazi? Did you forget about that as well?
That, Mr. Obama is the "Muslim heritage" in America
Muslim Heritage, my a**!
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
The Reflecting Pool on the National Mall is now a mess after being reconditioned for $34 million. $34 million shot to hell.
