Saturday, January 7, 2012

Hospital Bloopers

These actually appeared on hospital charts:

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (OMG! that is some examination)

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


Brooke said...

I worked in a hospital for many years, and a big chunk of that was in the ER.

You ain't seen nothin'! :)

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

I wrote those for them.

Will said...

These are really funny!
Have a great weekend!

Mr. AOW said...

I used to love those old bloopers albums. Back in the day, I had at least two of those albums. I wonder where they are now?

Black Sheep said...

Just stopped in to see how you're getting along. Looks like you're doing ok, your sense of humor is certainly up and about. Have a good one!