Classic comedy

In honor of football season:


Andy Griffith was distantly related to Mrs. AOW.  They never got along, though. Something about an ancient family feud generations ago.

There's a first time for everything

Mrs. AOW has gotten sick and tired of giving me manicures and pedicures. She's no good at it, anyway.  Hell, she won't even fool around with her own nails - much less mine!

Today, we're off to the nail spa for the first time for either of us. I hope that I can get into that pedicure chair!  I need a pedicure more than I need a manicure.

Mrs. AOW is going to let them experiment on me before she lets them do her nails.   At least the place she has picked has a great reputation.

9/11

I have not forgotten.

Have most Americans forgotten?

I hope that we don't get hit again today.   Or any day.

Man-cave access at last!

The local American Legion, veterans helping veterans, built me a wheelchair ramp so that I can get back into The Little House, which I used as my man cave.

I had my stroke there on September 15, 2009.

At last I can get back inside my man cave!

Mrs. AOW took these photos:

The reality

I hope that it doesn't come to that last one.

Actually, I've already been there but graduated to a mobility scooter.

I love my scooter.

But it has its drawbacks.

Yesterday I went out on my own on a little adventure down the bike trail. I decided to cross the bridge into the park. Damn. There was a dropoff, and I got stuck there. Mrs. AOW had to come to help me out of that rut. She couldn't lift the scooter, but she flagged down some people on the main part of the trail, and they got me up and running again. On my next trip out on the trail, I'll have to me more careful and watch where I'm going!

I got home long before Mrs. AOW did.  She had to hoof it, but I was zooming along back on the bike trail.

Smart cat!

One of Mrs. AOW's Facebook finds:


We once had a white cat a lot like the one in the video. She was the smartest cat ever!

Ferguson...

What would ISIS do?

THIS!

Our scooterway and grill area

Decorate A Vet built this for us last year:

Mrs. AOW took the above photo just as the workers finished the surface area.

I'm enjoying being able to access the grill again!  We're planning to grill again this week, and I do all the grill food on my own.

I like being able to help Mrs. AOW with preparing meals.

Time for humor

With a hat tip to Woodsterman:

I haven't been blogging much lately. Just one of those things. Lots of coin shows to go to, plus Mrs. AOW has plans. We've been visiting the Smithsonian and getting out more for together-time quite a bit this summer.

New version of "Flying Purple People Eaters"

A little something that Mrs. AOW found on her blog rounds today:

Big mistake. For them, not us.

Barack Hussein Obama's refusal to go to the border shows him up for the hypocrite that he has been all along:


Maybe it's too far away from the November election for his mistake to matter.

On the other hand, it just might matter!

This border mess has put Obama and the Democratic Party at a disadvantage.

This is another result.

Power crazy politicians overreach every time.

I know this creek!

I've been up this creek more times that I can count!

Happy 4th of July!

BE SURE TO GO OUT ON THE 3RD TO BUY A FIFTH FOR THE 4TH!

Shy kitty

Cameo did something like this when we took her to Mrs. AOW's cousin's house for a catsitting. We stayed at the beach for a week, and Cameo lived on the treats dropped behind the headboard. Mrs. AOW's cousin didn't see Cameo even once!

When we came home and went to pick Cameo up, she came right out - for us.

Guinea Pig time

Mrs. AOW tried Pycnogenol yesterday after two friends told he about the benefits.

This morning, Mrs. AOW woke up without any brain fog and full of energy!

Really!

Usually, she is terrible for a long time after she first gets up in the morning.

I took a capsule this morning.  Let's see what happens.

Sometimes folk medicine really does work.

Yup

Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, though.

Time for humor

From the best joke book I've ever had:

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Teach your children to be polite and courteous at home, and when they grow up, they will never be able to merge into highway traffic.

Deja moo - the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Save the Earth! It's the only plant with chocolate!

Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf."

Going to McDonald's is like going to a whore for a hug.

Improvement

Mrs. AOW is getting much better after 10 days of misery. I am so relieved!

Mrs. AOW is back to blogging and is going back to work today.

She's not up to cooking complete meals yet and has no appetite, but some of the homeschool moms are bringing in food.

Worries here

Mrs. AOW has come down with a terrible case of bronchitis. High fever, cough, chills, difficulty breathing, no appetite. The whole thing.

She was so sick on Friday that she didn't even do the radio show!

Yesterday, she went to the clinic at CVS and came home with an antibiotic and some codeine cough syrup.

She hasn't even begun to turn the corner yet!

Looks like she's in for the long haul.

Subaru dogs

I mostly watch cable channels that didn't show Subaru commercials, so I missed these until my stepfather sent me the video:

New element discovered

Received in an email:

Scientists recently announced the discovery of a new element, thought to be the most dense of all other elements. They are calling it Pelosium.

Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 2333 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of -311. These particles are held together in nature by a dark force researchers are calling morons, and these are surrounded by vast qualities of inepton.

Nancy Pelosi recently said that a Congressional pay cut "undermines the dignity" of Congress critter's jobs.

Dignity? That ship has sailed. Long ago!

Acrobats!

Unreal!


My youngest sister was a gymnast. A good one. She was supposed to be in the Olympics, but the United States boycotted the Olympics that year. A big disappointment for our family!

An observation

Received in an email:

During the 3-1/2 years of World War 2 that started with the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor in December 1941 and ended with the Surrender of Germany and Japan in 1945, the U.S. produced 22 aircraft carriers, 8 battleships, 48 cruisers, 349 destroyers, 420 destroyer escorts, 203 submarines, 34 million tons of merchant ships, 100,000 fighter aircraft, 98,000 bombers, 24,000 transport aircraft, 58,000 training aircraft, 93,000 tanks, 257,000 artillery pieces, 105,000 mortars, 3,000,000 machine guns, and 2,500,000 military trucks.

We put 16.1 million men in uniform in the various armed services, invaded Africa, invaded Sicily and Italy, won the battle for the Atlantic, planned and executed D-Day, marched across the Pacific and Europe, developed the atomic bomb, and ultimately conquered Japan and Germany.

It's worth noting that during the almost exact amount of time, the Obama administration couldn't build a web site.

Computer technology = garbage in, garbage out!

Nuisance

This morning, our first-floor smoke alarm started chirping.

Mrs. AOW can't reach it to replace the battery. The one neighbor who used to help us out with these things has moved away.

She phoned her cousin-in-law, but he won't be able to get here for hours.

I guess I'll be sleeping on my one good ear so that I can't hear the damn thing making racket. If I sleep on my one good ear and snore like crazy, I'll be able to get some rest. I need some rest! PT wore me out yesterday.

Why I want a dog of my own

Man's best friend:

Cats and baths

Cameo watched this video. Cameo does not approve this video.


Our cats HATE baths.

But when I was a kid, our cats loved swimming in our backyard pool. Go figure!

Attention, car nuts!

i knew most of these, but not all of them:

Wheelchair road rage

This guy has issues:

A disabled man used his 4mph electric wheelchair to smash up a Transit van because two workmen had parked it outside his house, a court heard.

Kurt Baron, 40, caused £2,000 of damage to the vehicle's bodywork and narrowly missed a mother pushing a pram, forcing her and the baby into the road.

He also deliberately crashed into barriers round a manhole where the two Electricity North West engineers were working before threatening them with a claw hammer, Burnley Crown Court heard.

Baron, who is wheelchair bound after breaking his back in a fall from a tree, admitted possessing an offensive weapon and criminal damage, but avoided jail.

The prosecution said his wheelchair rampage happened on October 30 last year after he had a row with a blind friend in his house in Nelson, Lancashire.

He takes out his rage on himself too:

The court heard Baron had stabbed himself in the leg with a 12 inch knife while in his house and he told the court 'Over the last five months, a lot has changed. All I want is a normal life.'

Glad that I'm a mellow guy and not like Kurt Baron!

Of course, if I had tantrums, Mrs. AOW would put me in my place. You don't want to know how - and neither do I.

Time for humor

From The Ultimate Bathroom Joke Book:

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge the car into the highway traffic.

The problem with trouble-shooting is that trouble shoots back.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even put some in the food.

If it's the psychic network, why do they need a phone number?

Back to stroke therapy

My neurologist has ordered an evaluation session tomorrow. She noticed some small but definite improvements in my condition since she saw me 6 months ago.

Also, she was upbeat about my graduation.

If Medicare approves the treatment plan, I will be getting a month of therapy twice a week.

Now that we have the van with the ramp, I won't have to spend $20-$60 a week for MetroAccess service - not a free service although most think that it is.  Twice a week, Mrs. AOW will drop me off for therapy, then pick me up a few hours later.

I'm looking forward to getting more therapy!  No pain, no gain!

Why old men don't get hired

Some humor and some truth:

This year's spring cardinal

With thanks to Will, who emailed Mrs. AOW with the picture below:

Global warming, my ass!

A sad day

Our 2000 Mustang GT Convertible at Myrtle Beach in 2007

Today Mrs. AOW is taking our Mustang to a friend so that he can arrange the sale of the car that Mrs. AOW love so much.

I haven't been able to drive since I had a stroke, and since Mrs. AOW's detached retina, she really shouldn't ride in a convertible with the top down.  What's the point of having a convertible if you can't take the top down?

Mrs. AOW bought the car on her 49th birthday in 2001.  "My midlife crisis!" she said.

We had such good times with that car from 2001-2009.  I wonder how many times I washed and shined her?  Thousands, I guess.

But now the time has come to say goodbye to her.  Depressing!

Mrs. AOW and I are telling ourselves that we should be glad that we ever owned a car as special as our Mustang. I even won 2nd place in a national car show.  Not much consolation, though.

On Tuesday, I drove our Mustang one last time when my friend Steve came over to help me get into the car.  I'm not ready to drive in traffic, so I just drove her up and down our side street.

Getting old is a bitch!

Coming out of hibernation

For tonight, anyway.

Steve is coming over and taking me to the local VFW for the pool tournament, eats, and beer. It will be raining, but now that we have the van, Steve takes me out even if the weather is bad.

Now that I can get back to bed by myself, Mrs. AOW won't have to wait up to tuck me in tonight. She needs her rest! This miserable winter has worn her down. All she does is shovel snow, then soak her aching back. Easter is late this year, and I think that we're going to get more winter weather. Damn.

I can hardly wait until spring really arrives. I want to see Ballsey! I'm sure that he's pining away for those biscuits that I give him when the weather is good enough for me to ride my scooter down the block.

This coming week, I get two more outings -- the stroke recovery club meeting and the neurologist.

Why bother calling it a donut shop?

Mrs. AOW and I have been snickering about this story for a few days now.

Honey Dew Donuts will not be selling any donuts at one of their shops in Massachusetts!

There is more absurdity:

According to Honey Dew's website, its low-fat muffins contain more calories and sugar than many of its doughnuts.

For example, its “Low Fat Blueberry Muffin” has 430 calories, while in comparison, its “Chocolate Frosted Donut” has 280 calories, its “Boston Cream Donut” has 320, plus the miniature, round “Honey Dew Drops” are 75 calories each.

I'm not crazy about donuts.

But when I see feel like eating a donut and see a sign that says "Donut Shop," I expect to be able to get a damn donut at a DONUT SHOP!

Why don't they call this place in Massachusetts "Un-donut Shop"?

How to get a Twix bar

And get fired in the process:

I've graduated!

From this:

To this:

For big jobs, anyway.

This part of my stroke recovery has taken over 4 years.

Mrs. AOW is grateful, and my graduation has arrived in time for her birthday on Monday.

We are both looking forward to the day when our living room once again becomes a living room instead of a hospital room.

More stupid things that people say

From the Page-A-Day Calendar The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said:

Christina Aguilera singing our National Anthem at the Super Bowl: What so proudly we watched at the twilight’s last reaming . . .


The Weakest Link host Anne Robinson: In U.S. history, during the Great Depression, parts of the Midwest afflicted by drought and high winds became known as the what Bowl?

Contestant: Super.


Tag sewn into baseball-style cap:
30% WOOL
70% ACRYLIC
100% NYLON
ONE SIZE FITS ALL
MADE IN CHINA


On a restaurant menu in Abu Dhabi:
FISH & SHIPS

Does this make sense?

Absurdity!

Canadians can’t purchase incandescent bulbs, but they can buy crack pipes out of vending machines.

It's this kind of crap that makes me try to avoid hearing or reading the news.

Unfortunately, Mrs. AOW keeps me informed.  She's a news junkie.

Those Wonderful Clydesdales

I've always had a soft spot in my heart for these magnificent beasts. We don't see much about the foals, but this video tells the story:

Still alive but in hibernation

Damn cold winter we're having here!

I managed to get out to a coin show last weekend. I made a few good buys, too! One of those good buys was a Walking Liberty Half, a coin that I particularly like.

Yesterday afternoon, Mr. AOW fired up the van and dropped me off at the local VFW. Not much of a crowd there, but still it's better to be out and about than moping around the house all day and all night.

Today I'll watch at least some of the Super Bowl. Mrs. AOW has laid in a supply of chips and salsa in case I want to stay home to watch the game.

Brrrr!

News reports are saying that we're having the coldest month of the century.

I believe it!

The snowy owl has even returned to Washington:

The Scottie Pinwheel

Pets get all wound up at feeding time:

Amazing Mother Nature

Check out the link and the video.

People say stupid things

I got a new Page-A-Day Calendar for Christmas - The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said. Here are a few items from the calendar:

The Newlywed Show host Bob Eubanks: What is your favorite thing to buy by the foot?

Contestant: Shoes.


Support your parish rummage sale—a good chance to get rid of things not worth keeping but too good to throw away. Bring your husband.

(church bulletin announcement)


Hospital receptionist: Yes?

Patient: I’m here to register for my autopsy.

(conversation at a hospital registration desk)

Time for humor

I got a new joke book for Christmas: The Ultimate Bathroom Joke Book.

The entire first chapter is filled with jokes that are "Short and Snappy."

 Here are a few one liners from the book:

Nothing sucks more than that moment in an argument when you realize you're wrong.

A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory.

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it into the food.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.

Save the earth! It's the only planet with chocolate!

Cat truths

Why humans can never outsmart cats: